maldur

What to comment on?

My life is weird at the moment.
Work = good
Study = good

Mood = bad

I think I need to be able to write better, the written word is at the moment about the only way I communicate.

well here goes nothing.....

I bought new bookcases.
So I did a rough count of my books, and its over 3000.
I hope I bought enough. The next few weeks will be spend shifting books, but I can finally order them now, not just piling them on the floor.

After doing my financial stuff, I discovered I'm not doing so bad.
Now if I could only find the time, I could even afford another vacation :)


Now I've seemed to got my work, study and financial situation in order, I should get me a social life.

So what does it look like?

the frontdoor is the large double door of a garage, and it leads to a "room"filled with flightcases and ready supplies. Through a set of curtains a square "tv area"is revealed. a couch, a handshaped chair, and a serious amount of paintings and pictures. On the ceiling the brakechute of an F15 fighter plane. A door leads of to the bathroom, a half finish, white tilked room with a shower, a large bath, and toilet (and a large sink). Continuing on through the "tv-room"leads slightly down into the main "living room. To the left a kitchen, tiled in small red tiles, and to the left the hole in the floor that is the staircase to the basement. Strait on is a large table (seats about 16 people) with in the far left corner, a "music section"and in the far right corner, and office ( desks, computers etc).
In a far corner are two curtain, one black, and one white. the white leads to a guestroom/fabrics and costume storage area, and the black leads to my room. in another corner are some other doors leading to several smaller rooms. majorie and Werners bedroom, their wardrobe room, and another costume storage. going through an attached corridor are another bathroom, a laundryroom and eth studio.

All in all hard to describe but great place :)

I just realized that the statement, of living in a house full of clowns might be a bit weird, so let me explain.

The house I life in is an old garage, not the kind where you store cars, but the kind where you repair cars. Before that it was a factory for frozen vegetables. You can imagine it is a very large, and (for lack of a better word) unusual space. I have lived here for about 10 years now, and with different people. My best friend Rossi (or more acurately my brother in all but blood) lived here first, then I arrived, later my mother, Majorie and her SO, Werner, my two sisters (Puck and Pam). Later other friends and family joined us. All living here for longer or shorter time, the door is always open for people we feel have the need and "ability" to live with us. Now all of the people that live or lived here have always done entertainment work. Or more accurately Worked as a Clown somewhere in our lives. So when I say I live in a house full of clowns, I actually, really mean in the most literal sense of the word. This does not mean we all walk around with red noses and big shoes, but we do have a large amount of stuff about that suprises most people. Pies you can jump outoff. Juggling equipment, more theatre make-up you can shake a stick at, strange costumes, and a serious amount of odd musical instruments.

This does make our little clan proficient in a serious amount of skills; besides "entertainment" skills we also can do our "normal"day jobs (for some these are the same skills). We have nurses, carpenters, computer geeks (me :)), musicians, stewardesses, designers, artsupplies salespeople, systemoperators, translators, writers, jugglers, stiltwalkers, nannies, and many more.

We like it this way, we are we, we are family.

I haveth returneth.

My vacation was long, relaxing and very nice.

I still cant really tell what happened along the way, but I had heaps of fun.

It also gave me serious time to reflect on the last few years (and on life in general). As some of you know I am a very closed minded person, and only recently I started letting people into my defenses. Strangely enough I am one of the people Im now letting in. (I hope this makes sense) I pride myself on being very honest (even if it gets me into trouble) but it seems I excluded myslef from this rule. I am very good at hiding stuff from myself, and it seems long drives are great for realizing this.

Some of the conclusions needed some talking to other people for and as I have done that now (I returned about two weeks ago) I feel much better.

My work situation improved as well, granting me all the ingredients for my two year plan!

I will go into more detail in a next update.

things I have going for me at the moment:

I have a good project at work.
I am starting a great course next week.
I am feeling better (physical) because I have lost > 35 lbs, and am riding every week.
I was able to get my unsolved emotions concerning Quathia in order, I do miss her, but no longer in a stupid way.
I have decided what I wanna do in the future.

more later

Most of you know I was a bit "out of sorts" lately, so just to surprise you all:

I feel very cheerful this morning.

It could be:
The end of soccer madness
Me being sore all over due to a great riding lesson.
Something else?
Bright red shoes?
My vacation being closer (only 22 days to go)
Me getting that course I have been nagging for (the boss just gave me a 14000 euro present :)

In a non characteristic move I wrote something. Why and how is known by some, but that is not the issue here (although it's on my mind). What I did notice was something else. It was pretty well written, if I do say so myself.

So here my question: I was in a particular mood ,when I wrote this, and I had several drinks as well. And I wrote a pretty decent piece of text. At the moment I am trying to write some more, and it isn't working. I'm dead sober (I'm at work) and in a very different mood. Do I need some ... particular conditions do do some word-smithing?

Eloquence is deserting me at the moment, and I could use some to write a next installment:)

In a wave of self pity and slight intoxination I did something stupid, something very stupid.

Hope I can repair the damage, but I doubt it. Friends say I didn't do so bad, but I doubt it.

I can say things like : I a bit disturbed lately, and Im under a lot of pressure, but I just lost control, and I so hate it.

This morning my eldest sister moved to Peru.
Next week My younger sister will be leaving to get some furniture for her house in Turkey...she is moving there next month.

And I am planning on leaving this country in a few.

Strange, worldly people we are.

Greetz, Maldur

OK, in a strange rash of starting LJ's I discovered something more about my friends. But it seems more is hidden from view. So I cheated and started a LJ as well just to see their innermost secrets;) But just to be fair, I will sporadically add stuff of my own . But remember it wil be few and far between as I'm not focused on written word.

Greetz, Maldur